I did a good think for myself, recently

pexels-photo-268533.jpegI had a surge of energy at the turn of the new year. I was so excited to start 2018 without any cancer treatments scheduled, no planned trips to the hospital. I was so ready to just get on with life, and all the things I want to do.

February rolls around (granted, it’s winter) and my energy and enthusiasm has significantly waned. There has been a ton of snow, so many very cold days, still so many appointments to recover my back health, and it has been exhausting.

I find that I am getting stuck in ways I don’t want to be stuck in anymore. I am falling into old ‘cancer’ routines, where I would watch TV for hours simply because I was too tired to do anything else. This is not the case now though. With a bit of planning, I am sure I can accomplish more.

I tend to overwhelm myself with projects I want to do. This, in itself, leads to indecision about what to work on. I am driving myself a bit nuts.

Some of this is recurrent-stress related. I had my 18-month exams this week and while I was totally expecting a ‘normal/unchanged’ result (which I got), it is still nerve-wracking.

I do not want to get stuck in ruts in anymore. The time to do things, really IS now.

So I signed up for a recovery program through Breast Cancer Supportive Care, here in Calgary. It is designed to get you living your fullest life and feel more normal again in many areas that make up the whole person. Our first session seemed really good, and I am looking forward to diving into more of the homework for this week.

I’ll keep you posted as to how it goes.

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One day at a time…

…as the old saying goes. How true it is, when trying to recover from cancer treatment.

I’m very lucky to say I am cured of the particular type I had. But it’s also a really frustrating period too. My body desperately needs reconditioning. I know I am going to have to do a lot of physical work in order to get my stamina back.

It is frustrating because I feel ready to dive into this blogging thing and really making a go of working online. I often get sidelined by fatigue, and also overwhelming emotion. You would think I would be joyful most of the time, but I’m finding that that is just not possible.

So I’m trying to relax a bit more again, and take it easy. I will read some helpful magazines. I will do art. I will not beat myself up for not doing the work (yet) that I want to do.