I promised an update on the recovery program I enrolled in through the BCSCF. I had planned to write during the program, and let you know how it was going, but I found it fairly all-encompassing.
When I first started going to the sessions, I was very tired, and also wondering if I had made the right choice? It was difficult to revisit some of the feelings and experiences I had had over the last year and a half. And also to hold space for 11 other stories of hardship, fear and suffering.
It has been worthwhile though. Halfway through the program, I experienced a real shift emotionally and physically. Some of the weight of cancer, got lifted off. I think it’s a combination of working on the exercises that were given, both mentally and physically, and sharing space with others who have gone through much the same experiences as I have. It’s connection that is difficult to find on my own.
I am more relaxed than I was. I generally sleep better. I have more hope for the future and what I’m going to do with it. If I have a bad day, I know that I can talk to my new friends – because we all have bad days, where the worries of cancer come hurtling back.
It was difficult to move on from the program once it was finished. If felt like I was grieving another loss. But once another 3-week cycle was up, I felt better about getting on with life and also had been in touch with others from the group. And that’s how life goes. Full of beginnings and endings and hopefully you keep the positives and shed the negatives along the way.
I am trying not to ‘waste time’ although there can be benefit in time wasted. For the last couple of months, I have felt very grateful to have the room to just be happy and enjoy life, and not worry too much about working, or my health or anything else. It’s been a real gift.
I am truly excited now about pursuing my passions. One of the gains I’ve made, since having cancer, is that I am more confident about my place in this world, and what my talents are. After all…we only get the one chance at this life.